I take it all back and want an “Undo”

“You made a mistake, now let it go and move one and don’t make it again”.  It is a super easy thing to say to someone that has just had a bad day. But when you are the one that made the mistake, it becomes a lot harder to move on. You think about it, and assume everyone else is thinking about it. “Look at that loser over there, they brought the whole system down.”  You know they are thinking it.

Last week, I was in the situation of being the friend of someone that made a mistake.  I honestly had forgotten about it within an hour, but he kept bringing it up, over and over again.  All day long I was reminded of what he had done wrong because he wouldn’t let it go.  At the end of the second day, I told him that if he kept telling me he was terrible at his job, I would start to believe him.  I told him to let it go and if nothing else, to stop talking about it because we all had forgotten.  We all had forgiven him, he just couldn’t forgive himself.

This week, I was the one that made the mistake. It was big and everyone saw it.  I really wanted a time machine or an “Undo” button.  Instead, I went home, cried, ate some chocolate and watched cartoons to feel better.  My husband, and biggest cheerleader, asked me, “Are you perfect?” I have been tricked by this one before so I replied that I wasn’t.  He looked at me and said, “Then stop beating yourself up for being human”.  This made me think about how I handle things everyday.  I also realized I had take all the words I had said to my friend and apply them to myself.  I made a goal to not bring up the mistake to anyone after one day.  If they mention it, we can talk about it or I can answer questions about the incident if needed.  Also, at the end of the day, I have to forgive myself and move on.  My entire team was AMAZING and kind when they learned it was my fault.  They knew how bad it hurt to make a mistake and knew I would be my harshest critic. This is not to say that I am taking it lightly, it will be something I don’t do again and am disappointed in myself.   I am really lucky to have an awesome boss that doesn’t hold mistakes over my head.

Every Technology person I have met, has a great story of how they messed up big.  If they don’t have one, they are either lying or don’t push themselves to grow.  I have a whole bag of them, but each one is something I learned and grew from, and thankfully,  made me better.

So here goes, end of the day, time to forgive myself and move forward.



The song today is: Take it all Back by Judah & the Lion

Fear Is A Part Of Life – By Matt Slocum

No matter what field you work in, or what you do in your personal time, fear is a part of life. It is just human nature for certain things to make us uncomfortable, or downright scared. Do you know anyone that doesn’t seem to have any fear? Don’t believe it, they’re afraid of something, but they have learned to live with (or even overcome) the fears standing in the way of their goals.

Personally, I have a fear of public speaking, but I’m currently leader of a PASS chapter and a SQL Saturday organizer. I find myself speaking in front of people on a fairly regular basis. How did I overcome this fear? In short, I didn’t. However, rather than focus on my fear of speaking in front of people, I focus on something I’m passionate about, SQL Server. By focusing on the positive, I am able to keep the fear in check. I try to stay really focused on and excited about the topic I’m presenting/discussing and the fear of being in front of people melts away.

At my first PASS Summit, I determined that I wanted to meet people. Instead of letting fear stand in my way of meeting new (and AWESOME) people (like Andrea), I focused on my passion for SQL Server and the fact that the people I was meeting also had a similar passion. This resulted in many interactions and relationships formed. This is what SQL Family is all about. Getting to know one another and help each other out.

If there are fears standing in the way of your goals, focus on the positive and what excites you. If you can keep the positive in mind, you can help keep the fear in check or even be able to suppress it altogether. Don’t be afraid to look or sound stupid. We all make mistakes (it’s what makes us human), just focus on the positive and keep moving forward. Learn from your mistakes, but move forward with them rather than letting them cripple you.


Celebrities (Hollywood, SQL Community/Family, etc…) are just like you and I, they’re just more well known. If you run into one, don’t let fear stop you from starting a conversation. Chances are, you’ll find out they’re just as human as you or I and you may make a new friend. I met Jonathan Frakes (Commander Riker from Star Trek The Next Generation) once and found out that he was a very friendly man. I didn’t spend nearly as much time talking to him as I would have liked, due to my fear. Afterwards, I regretted not pursuing a longer conversation with him, but I’m not letting my fear or regret cripple my future progress. If I ever meet him again, I’ll be sure to have a good long discussion with him.

Fear is a challenge we all face. Find your way to overcome it and you can accomplish anything.