This is not a technical post, but I wanted to share a small glimpse of what is going on with me. My dearest love, husband and best friend, Ryan Allred, passed away last month. It was something we saw coming, but even with that knowledge, it still took all the breath out of us when it hit. We had known each other for nearly 25 years and were rarely apart from the day we met (I think a 2 week business trip that he had was the longest we were ever apart, but we still talked at least twice a day that whole time). The last several weeks, my brain has tried to tell me he is on another business trip, and that he is coming home. I know he isn’t and it hurts more than anything I have ever experienced. Every text, I think it is him. His stuff is all still here, how can he be gone?

I wanted to take a moment to thank all the people that have reached out with love, kindness and support in this difficult time. Your thoughtfulness has made all the difference and I can’t thank you all enough. Thank you to the people that helped me with arrangements, contributed to the gofundme, sent gifts, sent notes and just overall sent love my direction. I am so thankful for the SQLFamily and the support I have received. Even my family was blown away by all of the love.

I had set up auto-posting to my blog so it would keep going even when I couldn’t and have now run out of posts. I will get them going again as soon as I am able. I have been trying to write this post for weeks and am hoping that this time I can finish it.

If I am not around for a little while, it is because my heart is trying to remember how to beat with what is now the saddest part of me.

Thank you again for all the love.

The song for this post is Loneliest by Maneskin.